the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
