I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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