everyone is single if you try hard enough
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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