Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
