Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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