I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
