My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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