Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
