i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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