because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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