Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
