i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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