i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
