he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
