If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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