we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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