peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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