I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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