I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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