Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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