did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize