That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize