Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
