I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
