I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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