I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
