just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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