God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
