Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize