Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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