You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
