How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
