I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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