Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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