I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
