Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
why is half of my head shaved?
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