I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
