you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
