my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
even my farts smell like vagina
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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