you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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