John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
