Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
