I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
