We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
