I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
