My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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