Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
