My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
