how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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