I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
