In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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