I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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