You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's never too late to be topless.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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