Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize