Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
