dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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