A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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