I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
