He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize