How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
