In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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