i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
