He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
