Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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