I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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