1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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