this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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