did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
