Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
