I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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