Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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