I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
