Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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