we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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