My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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