Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize