There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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