Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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