goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
