At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
