You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
