He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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