That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
