I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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