I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i was born a porn star she said
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
