Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
