FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
