Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
